One blond says to another, “how did you die”?

“I froze to death,” says the second.

“That’s awful” says the first blonde. “How does it feel to freeze to death?”

“It’s very uncomfortable at first,” says the second blonde. “You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it’s a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you’re sleeping.”

“How about you, how did you die?” asked the second blonde.

“I had a heart attack,” says the first blonde. “You see I knew my husband was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found him alone watching TV. I ran to the basement, but no one was hiding there either. I ran to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.

The second blonde shakes her head. “What a pity … if you had only looked in the freezer, we’d both still be alive.”

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

The blonde said “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked.

“Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

“And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.

“They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” she cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.

“Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake.”

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune..

..the Wal-Mart manager runs out and unplugs the horse.

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear.

One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.

“Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I’ve got something to show you!”

“Not now! I’m eating.”

“Oh come on!” said the rabbit. “It’s really important.”

“No way.”

“Please. It’s urgent.”

So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.

“Well, rabbit,” he panted. “What did you want to tell me?”

“Hey, Teddy,” the rabbit began, “look how many berries are on the other side of the river.”

wo unemployed guys are talking. One says, “I’m going to become a lion tamer.”

The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”

“Yes I do!”

“Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?”

“Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down.”

“Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?”

“Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down.”

“Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?”

“Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him.”

“Well, what if that gun doesn’t work? What will you do then?”

“Well, then I pick up some of the shit that’s on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of
the cage.”

“Well, what if there ain’t no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?”

“Well, that’s dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don’t work, there’s going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that.”

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

“OK, follow me” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

“Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.

“Yes, Yes, Yes!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

“Good” said the bat, “Because I sure as hell didn’t!”

Bulla Graft’s single scored the go-ahead run in the fourth inning as Chula Vista rallied to defeat Taoyuan 6-3.

Kiko Garcia pitched three-plus scoreless innings of relief to settle down a Chula Vista team that fell behind 3-0 early.

Chula Vista scored a run in the third before surging ahead in the fourth, tying the game on a sacrifice fly and wild pitch before Graft’s single with two outs scored Andy Rios for a 4-3 lead.

Garcia got Yu Chieh Kao to strike out to end the game.

Teams from the United States have won five straight titles.

Rhoda Makambaire, who is married with a child, was accused of having sex sessions with brutal Kelly Edney, 29. They allegedly had relations in the Berkshire, U.K., hospital’s mental health ward – a section for patients who are deemed incurable or show no signs of remorse.

The rapist, who also has convictions for arson, assault and hoax bomb calls, allegedly told cops in explicit detail about his affair with Makambaire.

Another nurse was also arrested. She is accused of keeping watch as Edney and the mother of one had sex.

The nurses, both in their 30s, were questioned by cops under Britain’s Sexual Offenses Act. They were suspended along with a third nurse who allegedly knew about the affair.

Edney was yesterday moved from Broadmoor to top-security Rampton hospital, in Notts, U.K.

Recent time people have been witnessing the popularity of Korean serials in China. Many Korean serials have been showed on CCTV-8 even CCTV-1, let alone other local channels. And it is hard to get through a day without some talk about Korean serials. They enjoy high watching rate and have profound influences on people.

My grandmother used to be strongly against watching TV, and insisted that TV did little good to people, especially the youth who indulged themselves in watching TV. But from unknown time, Grandmother became interested in watching TV, and now and then, she would talk about the actors and plot with me. Gradually, she would be seated in front of the TV waiting for her favorite Korean serials, whenever she has got time. This summer I also felt deeply about the popularity of Korean serials, thereafter, I asked why. Basically, they are the visual effects, the plot, and the music that contribute to the phenomenon.

First of all, Korean serials are eye-catching. They usually have handsome actors and beautiful actresses. Zhang Dong Jian’s gentlemanship and An Zai Xu’s fascinating eyesight catch thousands of young female’s hearts, while young male greatly appreciate Song Hui Qiao’s elegance and Xin Xi Shan’s beauty. Regardless of their skills and other factors like the plot, the actors function effectively in keeping a watching record.

In addition, they get marvelous pictures, from which we enjoy changeable seasons and places of interest in Korea. Blue sky and white cloud signify good state of mind of the characters, and drizzling weather and red umbrella intensify romantic impression. So watching them is just like enjoying free trips. Read more…